Leah Capelle - know me better

Опубликовано 18 января 2023, 14:12

Sitting alone at my kitchen table, I looked around my apartment – the place I had lived longer than anywhere besides my childhood home. As my eyes scanned the living room, they took in the empty hooks and dust frames where art had been hung, the empty guitar stands, the empty book shelves. I had lived in that apartment with my long-time partner for three years, until everything fell apart. It felt as though the apartment had been sliced in half – only half of the art, instruments, and books were missing, but our place – now my place – which had once been a safe haven, felt like an unbalanced prison. I noticed that all my plants were dying, which seemed a surprisingly accurate symbol for what had just happened, and I started to sing quietly – the words bouncing off the vaulted ceilings and dirty windows back into my mouth. "Don't you think it's funny that I haven't left the house, though this place is soaked in memories, and I cannot get them out?" I wrote the first iteration of "know me better" alone at the table, with nothing but the gut-wrenching feeling that I had been abandoned. After we broke up, my ex-partner said he needed space – that he wanted to be in my life, but it was too soon – and yet he would reach out every few days to check in on me, which left me simultaneously relieved and angry. Hence the accusatory chorus, "I'll give you what you want, but you should know me better... Don't try to act like this is not a death, I'm losing track of how this will end." As more time passed, though, I began to sink into the realization that relationships, and subsequently break-ups, are a two-way street. The song evolved as I healed, and I came to terms with my contribution to the pain. During production of this song, my friend (and roommate who had lived with us,) helped me re-write the bridge, which is now a much more honest and well-rounded depiction of the end of our story: "I let this go too far - the distance in who we are - you should know me... I put you down, ran my mouth, only to see it now: I don't know you, you don't know me..." I will always regret what happened last year, and I wish nothing but the best for my ex. He's an incredible person, and we supported and loved each other during some of the most formative years of our adulthood. All of this said,

"know me better" is a break-up song for the hurting, for those trying to put the pieces back together, and for those who might need to just dance-cry the pain away. 
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